Yesterday I visited a nurse practitioner originally to get more thyroid medication, but the timing was perfect, as I seem to be coming down with an aversion to the VOG. It’s like smog, but from the volcano. Yeah, I thought it was folklore too, but the island I’m living on is an active, spewing volcano releasing ash into the air. (Please pray for my health, thank you!)
My visit with the NP was my first lengthy interaction with anyone out of YWAM, and coming out of an environment so encouraging, so against the lies that have been spoken over us since childhood, I was shocked by the things he did and said.
“You’re 29 and you don’t have kids. Do you want any? You’re kind of waiting up to the end [of the appropriate time to have children], aren’t you?”
I’m so thankful for the community I’m growing in here, as a few of my girl friends I reached out to immediately knocked away his weirdness. We’ve been learning lately that our God is a loving Father who doesn’t condemn. His timing is perfect and He withholds no good, so I’m certain that I’m here exactly when I need to be, and that a family will follow, whenever it’s right…
…And yet, a part of me still held onto the fear imparted by his words. “Yeah. I am 29, and 34 is supposedly the cutoff to have your first child. Will I ever find the right guy? Will I even be able to have kids?”
Today marked the end of Holy Spirit week, aka the week we learn about the person of the Holy Spirit. Growing up Baptist, I learned so much about God and Jesus, but we never talked too much about the Holy Spirit. As the third person and an extension of God himself, Holy Spirit is loving, nurturing, empowering, kind, understanding. He communicates with us, has emotions of his own, and listens, like a friend. Today nearly my whole class got baptized in the Spirit, which wasn’t a huge religious procession but simply giving him the freedom to move in our lives, when I saw a few visions…
…Specifically one of a baby rattle. I instantly started crying. “Holy Spirit, you are so loving, you are so faithful, you are so good. You hear my fears without even one word and you eased them with the promise of a family.” Then the baby rattle turned into a sword, which I’ve been seeing often, and I believe, as my friend Jordan spoke over me, that I will raise my family, and the next generation, to be warriors for God.
(Side note: When I opened my eyes, baby Ariel was in her stroller, and someone had put a toy sword in her hand! So crazy! I’ve been seeing God confirm my visions like right away lately. So good)
This isn’t the best blog I’ve ever written. I usually put so much thought into my choice of words. But this is realtime, people 🙂 And I felt the urge to share this word:
Since you were born, everyone around you tells you who you are. Most of the time these words are negative because we are all broken individuals. And we don’t realize it, but a lot of times, we accept these lies over ourselves. The good news is that God had a plan and purpose for you before the world was created. You are wonderfully made, and you are MARVELOUS. He obsessed over every strand of hair, every freckle on your face. He gave you the talents you have, and the ones He didn’t give you also hold a purpose. As one body, we get to look to others to empower us in their gifts. There is no spirit of lack in the presence of God, only a spirit of life and abundance. Be joyful for whatever’s in your hand today—your passion for singing; your need to dance; your weird affinity for mathematical equations. Maybe you get crazy creative entrepreneurial ideas. Others of you have a voice that needs to be heard. Everything good in you is from God, because he is a good, loving Father. Trust Him. Trust Him with whatever He’s given you. Trust Him with His timing.
I’m so sorry for the things your friends, family, teachers, strangers have spoken against you. Know that you are beautiful, you are powerful, and you are meant for something greater than yourself because He hand-picked you. Our Father loves you so so much, more than any person could love you, and He wants to pour out His love on you.
Freedom from the lies.
Thanks for reading. May you go about your day feeling lighter than ever before; hungrier to find your purpose than ever before. It’s in Him. It’s all in and from Him 🙂